Two weeks ago I joined a group.
We had a common goal which, whilst not important in the grand scheme of things, would keep us occupied.
Welcome to the world of online gaming and the Clan!
I’m not very good at games. That’s okay. I’m 51 and use them to chill. I’m not into being the best or breaking records. They’re a wind down after a tough day at work. They aren’t serious. Or, they shouldn’t be.
I’m also Autistic so I’m not into chatting whilst playing or interacting verbally.
But I joined the Clan and was immediately told there was no pressure on interaction. Do your own thing, join in if you want to, there’s no pressure.
So, there I was, playing away. Doing what I do and, in this game, what I did benefitted everyone. Our score, for want of a better word, led to better in game “stuff” so I patiently added to the score as I played the various activities.
Then I made my mistake. On our online chat I was taking the gentlest of P out of myself. That’s my bad.
I was told that I should stop it, buck my ideas up, contribute more.
I said, look, I’ve had two strokes, it’s a game, I’m not taking it seriously, I’m doing my bit. If I want to take the P out if myself I will, that’s my right. I’m not taking the P out of you.
So then my lack of interaction gets brought up. I’m not a “team player”. I’m not contributing to the clans success.
So I left.
I don’t need that. I don’t need some self indignant individual telling me I’m not interacting. I’m talking to him aren’t I ?. Isn’t that interacting ?. By playing and contributing am I not interacting ?.
I don’t get it really. I’m confused. I’m told I don’t need to interact but then get criticised for not interacting enough. What do they want ?. They know I’m Autistic, I don’t like talking on a mic when I play, that I don’t take it seriously so..
They know, right ?.
Only they don’t seem to. Again. There’s no tolerance. It’s having to prove yourself or some other macho BS.
It’s a video game. A video game. It’s not important.
So, you may be saying, if it’s not important why are you blogging about it ?.
Well because once again it highlights how confusing it is for Autistic people. There’s a definition of interaction that’s clearly NT and there’s my definition as well. I felt I did interact, I did what was expected of me, in the way they knew I would do it.
And I do take the P out of myself. It’s who I am.
Interacting is just another Autistic puzzle. Too much ? Too little ?. I only wish I knew.