Being ugly

I’m ugly. 

I’ve always hated my face. It’s just……ugly. 

And people don’t really understand how much I hate having my photo taken. It will be fine they say. It’s a special occasion they say. Smile and look as though you’re enjoying yourself, they say. The list goes on. 

But I know I’m ugly. 

Occasionally I’ll look in the mirror and think I look okay but the next second I’ll just loathe what I’m looking at, for a hundred reasons. 

Small eyes, cruel lips, big nose, big ears, crooked teeth, lopsided grin, big chin, bad skin…its endless. 

I see photographs of myself and I actually shudder. I feel repulsed at the sight. It doesn’t look like me and it can’t be me, it’s vile, it’s disgusting and it makes me sick. 

My smiles horrible. My eyes narrow and I look as though it’s torture because it is, my smile is so false it’s unnatural and I find myself totally hideous. 

I was at a wedding yesterday. I scrubbed up well. And I’ve seen the photos. 

And every one I am in I ruin entirely. 

Yes I look smart but that face, oh god that face, it’s hideous and loathsome. It’s like a toad, slimy and repugnant. It’s odious and abhorrent. 

I want to tear at it, rip it off, cut it, slap it and stretch it into something better. 

I hate my face. 

I’m so ugly! 

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