In the wrong job.
Life as someone on the Autistic spectrum, is hard.
I’m talking personally here and appreciating we all have different tolerance levels and the ability to cope, or not, with what life throws at us.
And work takes up a decent percentage of my week, 4 days (28 hours) and various hours travelling to and from.
Of course that’s not a great deal when compared with others but it’s enough for me. In fact it’s too much for me.
I work for a charity. I give tax advice to elderly people ( or people aged over 60) and it’s killing me.
The unpredictability of the phone calls, the sometimes aggressive or ranting caller, the emotional overload from recently bereaved callers, the frustration of trying to explain over and over again, what to put on a form.
That’s the job.
Then there’s the environment.
Stifling in summer, freezing in winter, badly heated, too many people in a short space, too much noise, one light, above me, much brighter than the others in the office, noise from the garage behind me, the banging of high heels on the wooden stairs, the stupid doorbell, the smells from the kitchen, the faltering internet, the database freezing and crashing, the unpredictability of staff moods….
The list goes on!
I don’t want to see pictures of half naked firemen on someone’s phone, I don’t want to hear about your husbands stamina and your sexual exploits in your car, I don’t want to here someone’s “shagged” someone else, or that you actually think comparing penis size is something acceptable at work!.
Yes there’s banter, yes there’s time to chill but some people need to realise we are there to work rather than give graphic details of their sex lives!. And some people really ought to be careful because if I, as a man, did those things, I’d be out on my ear for sexual harassment!
So I loathe it.
Not everyone. Not all the time.
But I loathe it. It’s a slow death.
I long for a role in which I am valued. In which I give value. I need something that encourages and addresses my interests, something I want to get up for, something to live for.
Because this can’t go on.
I’m Autistic. I’m in pain.
And my job is killing me.