I hate Christmas!
Yes, it’s true. I just can’t cope with it all because it not only brings out the worst excesses in others, it brings out the worst anxieties in me.
It’s a single day but, unfortunately, the countdown starts earlier and earlier each year and even talking about it fills me with dread.
What do I buy ?. What will she want ?. What’s the budget ?. Oh lord does that mean I have to ask for something ?. Are we going away ?. Are we staying at home ?.
A hundred questions. And I know I’ll dislike most of the answers.
It is a single day but people go overboard. There’s the anxiety of the huge queues, the crowded shops, the noise, the tree with all it’s flashing and painful lights, anxiety about what to buy and what to ask for and how to react appropriately when it’s something I don’t want but I’m forced into asking for something.
I don’t think neurotypical people can ever comprehend that. I think they get so wound up in the holiday and the excess that they can indulge in that they are oblivious to the fact that we, certainly I, am caused real pain by the occasion. That the build up is fraught with traps and the day itself seems never ending.
People seem to feel the need to spend madly on gifts and food. Turkey prices get grossly inflated, people need to have ten veg instead of one or two and they can always cram in more pudding when on other days they wouldn’t even try to. Then they slouch in front of yet more repeats on the television and say what a wonderful time they’re having!.
It’s a nightmare. In my case we are having the grandchildren down. They are lovely but it will be a mad opening of hundreds of presents with none of them truly appreciated because the next one is just around the corner and the tv on constantly to distract them from the new presents I thought they were supposed to play with.
Noise, chaos, litter…
So I’m sorry if I come across as uncaring and yes, I know it’s one day and fir many the highlight of the year but we don’t all feel the same.
I’m not Autistic for Christmas, I’m Autistic all year round.
And Christmas is hell.