Anyone else find that difficult ?
I think there are two main reasons.
Firstly, I am surrounded by very talented people, both Autistic and neurotypical, who have actually achieved stuff. They have degrees, qualifications, success in life on a scale I can only imagine.
So I feel I pale by comparison.
Secondly, I have nothing to actually be proud of. I haven’t achieved anything, never went to university, haven’t got fancy qualifications, haven’t been successful at things.
So there’s not a great deal to be proud of..
But then people will say “considering everything you’ve been through I think you should be very proud”. Of what ?. Survival ?.
We all survive to the best of our abilities. That doesn’t make me better than the next person. It doesn’t make me stand out from the crowd. I don’t see it as praiseworthy.
“You’re good at your job”. Another meaningless phrase. Good in what way ?. I answer the phone, I answer the questions. We all do. I’m not better at it than X or Y. Again, it’s not praiseworthy in my eyes.
I suffer from a terrible lack of self esteem and self worth, that much is true. I think virtually nothing of myself and perhaps, as I get older and I am less likely to achieve anything, the rot has well and truly set in.
I’m trying to think about job hunting and the inevitable and daunting interview. The “selling yourself” bit. I am awful at it. I never know what to say. I never know how to promote myself as an achiever when I’ve achieved…well, nothing. I can’t brandish a clutch of certificates and say, look at these, look what these say I’ve achieved.
I can’t produce an average CV and say to interviewers ” Look at that. It doesn’t tell the full story. It doesn’t tell you how the lack of support for an Autistic child led to him panicking in exams and doing far less well than expected. So he failed his A levels and never went to University..etc”. That might have some truth to it. But I can’t say it.
Singing my own praises ?.
I wouldn’t even know where to start!