The Stain on the Spectrum : An Angry Autistic 


Yes I’m talking to you. 

I am so angry right now. Furious. Fed up. Pissed off. 

With you. 

I am fed up with so called “high functioning” Autistics thinking they’re better than me. Thinking that because they’re “high functioning” they can ram their superiority down my threat. They can crow about their cleverness and quote the latest learned journal in support of their “high functioning” ability! 

Many of them don’t actually have a diagnosis. They’ve read it in a book and decided that certain traits fit them. So they are Autistic or Aspergian. 

I’ve been told that their self diagnosis is more worthy than my actual diagnosis. More worthy!  Why ?. Because I was diagnosed by neurotypical psychologists and psychiatrists and they aren’t fit to make the diagnosis!.

So. Let’s get this straight. A book written by a neurotypical in which the traits of Autism are established and which you take as being evidence sufficient for self diagnosis, is more worthy of my diagnosis by two psychologists and a confirmation by a psychiatrist ?. 

Total bullshit!!!!

And because you’ve read a learned journal and you can quote the latest DSM you label yourself as “high functioning” and then think you’re entitled to lecture everyone on the subject! 

Piss off. 

Just piss off. 

I know it’s hard to get a formal diagnosis. It took me six or seven years. That’s called persistence. I didn’t read it in a book. I heard about Autism and I wondered about myself so I went and asked. I was taken through a process and formally diagnosed. 

I appreciate that’s not open to everyone but how come everyone who self diagnoses thinks they’re “high functioning” ? 

God forbid you aren’t. God forbid you weren’t. 

I “have” Aspergers. That’s my diagnosis. And guess what ?. Apparently I am “high functioning”. 

That makes me laugh. Most days I do not function at all. I hate that term, it sounds arrogant and makes out I’m someone or something better than someone “low functioning”. 

I’m not better. I’m different. 

We are supposed to be a community and yes, communities need leaders, but not self indulgent arrogant types who display more of the traits of a narcissistic personality disorder than an ASD. Who call me (and others) vile names yet squeak and demand their slavish followers complain, report, block, if someone calls them the same or something less offensive because they can’t fight their own battles. 

I don’t want to be in a community run by domineering, sneering, name calling bullies who put a stain on the spectrum by their actions. 

So I’m out. 

I’m leaving the spectrum. 

You can keep it. 

What should be a place of safety and gentleness, of mutual support, quiet reflection and observation, suggestion and help is little more than a dysfunctional family run by self satisfied bullies and tyrants who think they speak for everyone and that everyone should fawn over them. 

I don’t fawn. 

In a community I wanted to call my own. In a community where I wanted to belong (I’ve never felt I belonged anywhere) I find that I can’t. 


1 thought on “The Stain on the Spectrum : An Angry Autistic 

  1. Wow! I’m so sorry, my friend. That’s truly horrible. Although I support the idea of self-identification in general (as long, of course, as they have done diligent fact-finding, remained as objective as possible, and ruled out other conditions), but this behavior is just deplorable, and in no way is it even correct in any way. I think that’s just wrong what they’ve said.

    I self-“diagnosed” in March of last year. I took every credible assessment I could find, read every firsthand blog I could find, and ruled out every other condition I could think of. I knew right away that the Asperger’s/autism spectrum fit perfectly, but I considered all possibilities. I didn’t want to be a jerk and cling to the wrong label. My self-assessment was easily confirmed by a PhD psychologist in November.

    Early October of last year, there was a heated debate (on Twitter, of course), regarding self-identification and whether or not it’s acceptable/valid. Although I came down staunchly on the “pro” side, I do recognize that there are indeed some (albeit a minority of) self-diagnosed people who are Doing It Wrong. Being jerks. Using it as an excuse to act a certain way. Trying to get attention. Trying to make their lives more interesting. Or whatever. After the incident, I wrote a blog post on the potential down side of self-diagnosis.

    Either way, the very notion that their self-diagnosis is somehow more valid than your official diagnoses is just plain out of line. There’s no real logic to that. I do imagine that whoever is saying something like that probably wouldn’t even fit the criteria, or perhaps criteria for another condition might fit them better, because from the hundreds of people I’ve interacted with so far, all of whom are on the spectrum, none of them would dream of saying anything like that.

    I’m so sorry that happened to you. Please try not to let them get to you. Some people just aren’t happy unless they’re making others feel smaller. That’s more of a reflection on them than it ever would be of you.

    Aspie/autistic hugs to you, my friend! I hope you see sunnier skies soon ❤️
    ~The Silent Wave Blog writer/Laina 🌟🌟


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