I’m trying to get to the bottom of things (terrible pun intended)!
So, after my assessment I got a letter detailing what we had talked about.
Only we hadn’t.
And what we’d talked about was wrong. As in the detail. Wrong.
Accompanying the letter. The vague letter with lots of “future ideas” which may (may not) come to pass, there was a workbook!
Okay. Hold the excitement, hold it right there.
It had been prepared, constructed even, by “experts”.
It contained lots of pages for me to write my feelings on. Yes, those feelings I can’t identify. Those feelings I’ve sought help to identify.
It also contained a diary in which I could write down my daily activities and what I thought of them.
So…..typical entry reads :-
Monday 9.00am Work – bored/listless/depressed/anxious.
And that’s how I always feel so ….do I really need to be reminded ?. How is that helping me ?.
It’s a book about goal setting. I have to set small achievable goals.
And that’s hard.
If I go to work, what goals should I set ?. Be bored after the second call of the day rather than the first ?. Should I get listless by 9.15 instead of 9.10 ?. Can I get depressed after the fifth person who talks to me with their tv blaring in the background rather than the third ?. Should I get anxious before 11.00am or after ?.
If there is variety in your day to day routine then yes, perhaps there’s some merit in small changes or little steps but the same day after day brings on the same feelings and moods and, being entirely honest, I’m bored, listless, depressed and anxious before the day begins.
I don’t know what I was expecting from the assessment. More insight perhaps ?. Actually being listened to instead of what seems to be, judging from the letter, being only half heard ?. Proof positive there was light at the end of the tunnel instead of the same old tired workbooks ?.
I feel more down than before. I feel not taken seriously ?. Not really (really, really) listened to ?.
More like arse-sessment.
Can’t be arsed ?.