Self care : Failing myself

You’d think it would be easy wouldn’t you ?. A grown man taking care of himself. 

But its not. 

I’ve come away from the doctors feeling very down. Down with myself. 

Because I’m useless. 

No, I don’t mean that, not in the “ I can’t do anything right “ sense but in the sense that my ability to look after myself is severely impaired. 

It’s not because I’m lazy or I can’t be bothered but more due to forgetfulness and a general lack of respect for myself; a lack of self esteem, self worth and yes, honestly, being too tired to think straight. 

I’ve not been taking my medication. Not properly. Not regularly. Not enough. My diabetes is much worse and my blood sugars now giving cause for concern. It’s a case of change or something bad might happen. Something life altering. 

I need to change my diet. I need to change everything. 

My doctor knows it’s hard. He appreciates that my Fibromyalgia is a major setback and that because I lack the energy to exercise the risks are greater. It’s a vicious circle. I need to exercise to lose weight and eat healthily to keep my blood sugar under control but I have very little stamina and I eat the wrong food because I am depressed about my physical failings. 

And so it goes round and round. 

I’m awful at self care. I think so little of myself and I let things slide. 

By now you’d think I’d have learnt my lesson. 

I’m failing myself. 

Damn. 

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