When you can’t talk..

I can’t speak. 

Nobody’s actually listening so the power of my voice has obviously been nullified.  

I’m given permission to speak in my own home. I’m told to “ Go on” as though it’s my turn. I say something but get battered down because I’m wrong or else I try to say something but get swamped by others who have no desire to hear what I have to say. 

Everyone knows better than me. Even when we talk about Autism, what someone has been told is more valid, more worthy than my own experience. There’s a constant barrage of criticism if I do or say something wrong when others, it seems, are perfect and never make mistakes. 

So why bother ?

When you already have severe self esteem issues people don’t seem to understand how damaging this all is. Or they know but don’t care. 

I can’t speak because I’m always wrong. Guests immediately put the tv on without asking. I object but am told I’m being embarrassing despite the fact I would never do that in someone else’s home. I feel an outsider in my own home. I’m told I’m wrong to even mention it. 

I can’t speak because I am drowned out by others who’s voices are deemed to be of mor3 importance than mine. 

Nobody listens. 

So why speak at all ?. 

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