I don’t understand anymore

Perhaps fitting in isn’t the answer.

Perhaps it’s not even important.

Perhaps it never was.

So why worry about community ?.

Hey, I’m supposed to be part of one. The “Autistic Community”..whatever that actually means!

Calling myself Aspie is frowned upon because that, apparently, sets me up as some sort of “superior” being. Apparently I flaunt myself as being high functioning or intellectual or whatever term someone else chooses.

I can’t help my diagnosis.

And the puzzle piece. That’s been part of Autistic culture for a while. I like it but hey, what do ya know ? That’s not viewed as being pc because, and whisper it quietly, some people find it offensive.

I never quite understood that. To me it’s just representative of being part of the larger puzzle of human existence or a missing evolutionary piece (and I’m not saying that’s a “superior” piece by the way) and I found it fun. It’s on a couple of my t-shirts.

But I’m wrong.

I don’t think the community actually gets “it”. I think we are too stuck up our own arse, too self controlling, self policing, nit picking and yes, stupid, at times, to be taken seriously. We want NTs to take us seriously yet quibble over silly details.

I’m not better than anyone. I’m not superior. I’m not high functioning. Those are not my labels. I’m just me, ordinary, barely functioning, struggling to get through.

But yes, Aspie is me. Aspergers was and is my diagnosis. If you don’t like the term Aspie then don’t use it. I’ve said so before. Nobody is forcing you to are they ?. I don’t say you can’t call yourself Autistic, Autie or whatever term you choose no more than I tell someone who is gay they can’t use the term “queer”. What business is it of mine ?. Does is hurt me ?. Does it affect my everyday life ?. Not at all.

It’s called personal choice. It’s called free will.

And don’t use the puzzle piece if it offends your sensibilities. If somehow you think it demeans you or misrepresents you. Just don’t.

I’ve lost count of the blogs I’ve written about my concerns that this community is hell bent on harming itself by marginalising certain people within it; by picking petty fights and refusing to be what it claims to be, all encompassing. Our aim should be to come together but also allow ourselves to be individuals. We can share a common goal. In an army everyone has a rank. An army doesn’t consist of corporals or captains and our community should be able to cope with people describing themselves as Aspie, Autie, Autistic, Neurodivergent and other descriptors so long as those people are comfortable in their own description.

Perhaps I’m wrong.

Perhaps this is it.

Perhaps I really don’t understand and I’m so out of touch I should just form my own community of one.

I’m not sure I get “us”anymore….

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