It’s strange being Autistic in my household.
Strange because so much of the stuff that’s here doesn’t appeal to me. It jars the senses both visually and aurally. At times it effects my sense of smell as well.
Everywhere I look there is chaos and disorganisation. There’s……stuff.
Stuff where it shouldn’t be. Stuff out of place. Stuff that doesn’t have a home.
And there’s a lot of it.
I long for days of neatly ordered shelves with books in series so I can see, at a glance, what I have. The same goes for blu-rays but, alas, space means that most of the latter are in large tidy boxes upstairs and most of my books hide in cardboard boxes.
That upsets me. It upsets me that when I order the few books I can on to the two bookcases we can fit in our living room, and I get them neat, my partner comes along and jams hers haphazardly into every available space.
In a sense I’ve given up.
I try to keep my side neat. My side of the bed and my side of the sofa. Unfortunately her stuff turns up there as well. Cups, paper, key-rings, anything she’s found that she can’t find a home for just ends up on my side.
And then I can’t find what I want because it’s now submerged beneath a sea of clutter!.
I know we don’t have much space. There are heating issues here so we really live in a couple of rooms and don’t expand into the colder areas (not that I feel those but my partner gets icy when it drops below 20 degrees! ) and as we want to move it doesn’t make sense to get too much we may not want to take with us. So we lack storage.
And then there are the candles!
I hate candles!. Sorry if you find them romantic and attractive but to me they smell, the light flickers and I hate the greasy texture of the wax. All my autistic senses scream “no” when my partner lights another odious flickering thing and the room fills with the suffocating reek of “Amber Moon”, “Egyptian Sand” or “Fresh Linen”, or whatever banal names they have.
I also struggle with my partners insistence on playing iPad videos at high volume without putting her headphones on. I always use earphones with mine but, even with those, too often I am distracted or disturbed by some inane shouting or deafening music from about a foot away and, despite strong hints that headphones would be appreciated, those hints fall on *ahem* deaf ears!
Inside I rebel against all these things.
Occasionally I’ll say something but it doesn’t register or I’m the one with the problem.
I know love. It’s called being Autistic!.
But what can you do ?.
Grit your teeth! Cover your ears! Plug your nose!
This is not an Autism friendly household!