I know, I know..
Once more I have been responsible for a dereliction of duty. My blogging has become infrequent and apathetic.
Because I’ve given up.
I don’t find it cathartic or soothing. I don’t find venting helps when nobody picks up the baton and runs with it and too often I feel I’m the lone voice crying in the wilderness.
I saw several tweets yesterday bemoaning the splits in the Autistic community. My finger poised over a tweet but then I realised it wasn’t worth it; not now, not again when I must have blogged half a dozen times about the same issues..but nobody follows me and nobody reads what I write..so.
That’s fine. It really is because it’s their choice not to or, more likely they don’t even know I exist so why should they seek me out ?. It’s not as though I’m changing the world.
I don’t have a voice. I’m not one of the chosen few, someone with a profile.
I think I’ve become numb to things now. I rail against injustices at work but, again, that’s just me, just the Autistic person with a view nobody shares. Or nobody shares because they’re afraid, or they’re happy, or they don’t care because they can’t change anything.
And I can’t change it either.
I can just draw attention to it. But why bother ?. What’s the point ?
There’s nothing anymore. Nothing to interest me. Nothing to interest you. No hobbies. No interests.
Just numb. Tired. Fed up and disillusioned, getting nowhere, time passing. Out of sync, out of time, out of energy.
I’m sorry I’ve gone missing. Really sorry. I’d love to do more but…I have no idea what to say anymore.
The worlds lost interest in me and I’ve lost interest in myself..