Invisibly speaking

I’m really not bitter,

About changes to Twitter,

Although I can see,

What has happened to me,

At least I can see me,

Though no one else can,

I’m no longer visible,

‘Twas Elon Musks plan.

My timelines all wobbly,

Tweets gone astray,

People I followed,

Are not there the next day,

They just seem to vanish,

Depart in the night,

Then when morning comes,

They’re nowhere in sight.

I talk to the void now,

My tweets swallowed up whole,

Was that really the idea?

Was that really the goal?

Perhaps I’m not interesting,

Not controversial enough,

To maintain the interest,

Oh boy, it’s got tough!

I’m kinda invisible,

People see right through me,

But just sometimes,

Not how I want it to be.

So if Mr Musk or his cronies see this,

Can we please return,

To that sweet state of bliss,

Where tweets do get noticed!

Where tweets do get seen!

And I promise, this time..

I’ll keep my tweets clean!

Whisper

Photo by Ethan Jones on Pexels.com

The old man stopped and smiled at me,

His skin was mottled brown,

He leaned upon a walking stick,

He thrust into the ground,

His clothes were smeared with sweat and toil,

His sandals they were worn,

A man of few possessions,

Offered me an ear of corn.

The path was long and narrow,

Cross the top of dusty hills,

Low mist hung in the valley,

And the morning was so still,

He gauged of me a traveller,

Abroad in foreign lands,

We shared no common language,

Instead we took our hands,

Mine so white and fragile,

His coarse, with broken nails,

Mine spoke of western luxury,

And his of harsh travails.

Wordlessly we ate a while,

Of water we partook,

Clear and sweet and beautiful,

From a nearby brook,

Then with a smile and slightest bow,

A hand upon his heart,

He gathered all his meagre wares,

And turned then to depart,

And as he walked away from me,

A whisper touched my ear,

Twas though he stood right next to me,

I heard the voice so clear,

‘No words you need to share your time,

No words to share your food,

To drink in silent company,

Do nothing that is rude,

The sharing of the moment,

Means more than any words,

Respect and generosity,

Amongst lifes great absurds,

I wish you well, oh traveller,

May you find your way,

And perhaps our paths will cross again,

Break bread again that day’.

Be Happy!

Was it an order,

That made me rebel,

A command, a demand,

From a voice out of Hell,

‘Be Happy’ it said,

In a voice full of disdain,

Brooking no argument,

Insensitive to my pain,

‘It’s really quite easy,

There’s no excuse,

I say it quite plainly,

It’s never obtuse,

Be Happy, be happy,

You know you can be,

Don’t tell me you can’t,

Don’t you dare lie to me,

Don’t give me excuses,

Don’t blame it on life,

Don’t say that the others,

Bring you pain,

Cause you strife.

Don’t say that it’s circumstances,

Beyond your control,

Man up you big wimp,

And make it your goal!.

Be happy, be happy,

With a smile on your face,

If you say that you can’t,

You’re a total disgrace,

Pathetic and whining,

Feeble and weak,

You invent all these obstacles,

And excuses you seek,

You cower, you coward,

You snivelling cur,

You don’t deserve happiness,

In your gutter, down there!.

So see if I care,

And you’ll see I do not,

For a thing such as you,

I cannot care one jot,

Be happy? Be happy?,

Then don’t be, you fool,

And allow misery,

Over your life to rule!.’

But the voice didn’t get it,

Couldn’t see what I saw,

How I struggled each day,

How I fought more and more,

Because I want to be happy,

And for nice things to occur,

So a smile would be nice,

But it’s not getting there,

And if you don’t like it,

And think this is fake,

That it’s all about choices,

And the wrong ones I make,

Then I’m sorry to disappoint you,

Because I’d change if I could,

Oh I’d love to be happy,

Yes really I would,

But this is my life,

And this isn’t my choice,

But life overwhelms me,

And I still hear that voice,

‘Be happy, be happy’

I’ll hear it till I die,

And I will die trying,

Yes I’ll try, try and try,

So I’m sorry if your angry,

And think that I’m weak,

You go your own way,

And happiness I’ll still seek.

Living Hell

My mind, it said,

‘Can’t you tell,

That this place,

Is Living Hell?,

It’s dark,

And full of creeping things,

That hide,

And seek,

With claw,

And beak,

And beat you with their wings!,

Thoughts take shape,

In shadow wrought,

Hope is dashed,

Upon rocks of naught,

Cragged things,

Sharp and cruel,

Shipwreck the dreams,

Of the poor fool,

No light exists,

For none can dare,

To show its face,

In this hellish lair,

Ambitions cast aside,

And sundered,

Into Hell,

I fear,

You’ve blundered,

Worthless, hopeless,

Piece of meat,

Useless, pointless,

With such disdain you, I shall treat,

Inside and out,

Broken and busted,

Your soul decays,

Your body rusted,

That carrion stench,

That odious smell,

Corruption vile,

This living hell.

Once I was afraid

Once I was afraid,

Of a man I knew,

I thought I knew him well,

Turns out I had no clue,

A man of many facets,

A troubled, tortured soul,

Torn into a thousand parts,

That made a wretched whole,

Conflicted and tormented,

A constant writhing shape,

A prison cell of self made bars,

And no means of escape,

Yanked to every compass point,

Skin so ripped and red,

Armies marched to fight great wars,

Battlefield within his head,

They crashed and clashed in thunder,

Their screams assailed his mind,

In cowards way he turned and fled,

A haven he must find,

Depression wrestled misery,

Self loathing upper hand,

Disgust, self-flagellation,

Tore gouges out the land,

Yes of this man I was afraid,

His misery so vile,

I feared what he might do to me,

With no panache nor style,

Brutality and torture,

No compassion stayed his fist,

His punches landed solidly,

And no, he never missed,

And so my fear kept growing,

Beneath the barrage of his hate,

I tried so hard to save myself,

Before the hour was late,

But the man I fear is me, you see,

And myself I cannot lose,

I wish with all my heart I might,

But have no strength to choose,

Now I fear what I’ve become,

A wretched, lifeless shell,

This fear will be the end of me,

And drag me straight to hell,

If such a place exists of course,

That’s not inside my head,

For I fear I live there now,

And will do, till I’m dead.

What the eyes do not see

What the eyes do not see,

And the ears do not hear,

Is that I’m still around,

But what is now clear,

Is that I’m an irrelevance,

No place in a world,

With coloured cloth of allegiance,

Bright banners unfurled,

A world with its causes,

Some valid, some not,

Where bandwagons groan,

If the right topics hot,

Righteous indignation,

Narcissism rife,

Stirring the pot,

Stirring the strife,

No thought for another,

No pause to take stock,

When the differing opinion,

Can be met with the block,

No opinion is valid,

No, none save your own,

Those that see differently,

Abused, stand alone,

And that’s where I am,

Sitting outside the pack,

My eyes see things differently,

Dare not speak, fear attack,

So I suffer in silence,

Keep views deep within,

For dread, I reveal them,

And invite conflict in,

What your eyes do not see,

And your ears do not hear,

Is the poor lonely soul,

Shedding quiet tears,

Tears of abandonment,

Of sorrow and pain,

And so it must be,

And so it shall remain.

I knew I was invisible

I knew I was invisible,

When people saw right through me,

No disturbance in the air,

No clue that drew them to me,

My writing, words in lemons juice,

Was naked to the eye,

Only if held up to light,

Revealing natures dye,

Those words, so meaningless to some,

Were etched in grief and pain,

Words of heartfelt anguish,

Driving me insane,

Despair was written cross my brow,

The worry lines carved deep,

By guilty hands of humankind,

And the demons in my sleep,

A thousand restless thoughts of harm,

A million of self loathing,

Took me in their evil arms,

Clung like vicious clothing,

Suffocating, strangling,

Scratching at my soul,

Tearing me apart inside,

Shattering my whole,

No part of me escaped unscathed,

No skin, not torn and bruised,

The fragile ego shattered,

The inner man abused,

But all this passed unnoticed,

By those with eyes downturned,

Embarrassed by my sadness,

My sanity, no concern,

They passed me by so swiftly,

Ignoring, caring not,

If I should live or I should die,

They did not care one jot,

Perhaps they never saw me,

Through choice or by design,

Perhaps I am invisible,

My soul, it does not shine,

A light to draw them to me,

A light to guide their way,

And so they pass me by once more,

Just like yesterday,

I knew I was invisible,

And got what I deserved,

Ignored by those oblivious,

To my frayed out nerve,

I knew I was invisible,

A fading of the light,

I tried, I really did you know,

But now I’m gone,

Goodnight.

Nobody Cares

Am I right?

Nobody cares

Am I wrong?

Nobody cares

Nobody cares

About anything

Nobody cares

About lies

Before their very eyes

Or deceit beneath their feet

Nobody cares

The gap expands

The rich rub warm hands

The poor sink in quicksand

Nobody cares

About truth

What is truth?

Where is truth?

Nobody cares

Promises broken

Anger awoken

Revolution unspoken

Nobody cares

Nobody cares

Enough

That’s it’s rough

That it’s tough

Nobody cares

If we live or die.

Black Dog

Black dog of depression,

The court is in session,

The charge is you’re dragging me down,

There’s not been a smile,

On my face for a while,

Now the smiles been replaced with a frown.

I get that you’re bitter,

(You’ve said so on Twitter)

You’re fed up, frustrated and sad,

You’re worn out, you’re tired,

In a deep bog you’re mired,

And everything’s driving you mad!.

You’ve lost your ambition,

Got no clear sight, no mission,

No hope and the future looks bleak,

Your life on the wane,

There’s no sun, only rain,

It’s the same thing now, week upon week.

But you’re still standing,

Every footsteps still landing,

So you carry on marching along,

Propelled by sheer will,

This is real, it’s no drill,

So you hurl yourself back into the throng,

You’ll struggle on by,

With tears in your eyes,

You’ll battle, you’ll fight and you’ll holler,

You won’t let it win,

So you’ll rein it all in,

And you’ll grasp that black dog by the collar,

And bring it to heel,

And then you will feel,

Some sense that your life is your own,

And the black dog will shrink,

And you won’t need to think,

About giving your black dog it’s bone.

The blogging conundrum

Please blog, they said.

So I did.

Only nobody read it.

But I missed it.

They said.

Because I’ve too many followers.

Oh, I said.

Trying not to feel.

Downhearted.

And then I asked myself.

Do I actually write,

Things people want to read,

Or am I dull,

Safe,

Just…

Uninspiring?,

Am I just,

Forgettable,

One of the crowd,

Lost,

In the mix?

And is it unreasonable,

Silly of me,

Vain of me,

To expect, want, need…

Interaction,

Appreciation,

Support?.

Probably.

Probably?.

Certainly.

But I blog,

And it’s not read,

By many,

And a part of me,

Is sad.

Sorry.