Britains got talent ! (So where the hell is mine?) 

People with Aspergers are supposed to have talents! 

Real talents. 

Not all autistic people do but those of us who are at the high functioning end ( and here excuse me whilst I laugh hollowly as I rarely if ever feel “high” functioning) are supposed to have a talent. 

Except mines gone off on an extended vacation. 

It might even have emigrated. 

Or brexited early! 

I’ve never felt talented. I’ve never thought I was good at anything. My brain doesn’t seem to be in the slightest remarkable. I can’t speed read a book and give you word 6, line 3, page 284 instantly. I don’t know pi to a million places. I can’t produce great art from memory (I can’t produce enough great art at all). I can’t do complex maths in my head (I have failed every maths exam ever). I can’t speak a foreign language, play a sport, play a musical instrument… or produce world peace at the drop of a hat!. 

When people ask (and they do occasionally, or when drunk…) “Aren’t you supposed to be really clever ?”. I stress the word ‘supposed” in my response. Yes I am supposed to be. But I am not. 

Everyone I know has more brains than me. They see how to deal with life and know, almost instantly, what to do and when. I can’t deal with life so my talent certainly isn’t in that direction either. 

Academically, always a measure of ability (apparently) I simply don’t exhibit anything remarkable or clever. I failed more exams than I passed and never went to university. So there’s no talent there either. 

Work is always a tricky topic. I am good at my job. I have been good at other jobs. But then I think that, in my current role, I am stretching the word good about as far as it can go. I blag. I talk rubbish. I don’t feel confident in the slightest. Partly why I won’t take the next exam in my post is because I know I’ll fail badly. I just don’t know stuff. I’m not talented. 

If my brain felt remotely sharp and focused and wasn’t dulled by two strokes and fibromyalgia, I might feel differently, or, at least, more confident that there was something, somewhere, I was good at. 

But I’m not sure I ever have been good at anything. 


If Britains got talent …

What happened to mine ?. 

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