Just been one of those weeks.
One of those weeks where you have to stop, albeit briefly and say enough enough.
I don’t like being ill, never have and never will. It’s frustrating and annoying and scary and when you’re Autistic it’s really disconcerting to be ill with something that you can’t quite identify.
I think, in my case, I’m just run down. I’ve just logged into work for the…I’ve lost count…63rd successive day?. They all blur into one if I’m honest.
I’m very tired. Physically because Fibromyalgia is such an insufferable illness to have, very wearing, very painful, very frustrating. I’m not sleeping apart from the odd couple of hours here and there. I’m worrying constantly about work and keeping up with things and my diets truly dreadful. I’m diabetic yet can’t eat healthily because my body simply won’t tolerate the kinds of foods I should be eating.
The idea of eating certain veg and fruit and not having carbs or sweet things throws me into a panic.
I feel trapped. Stifled, suffocated. Unable to move on, to plan, to look forward. I’m uncertain, anxious and nervous and I can barely look after myself these days.
I just survive.
I hope next week will be better. I hope for something good.
But I’ll still be tired.